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JOKES JOKES JOKES
01-11-2012, 08:10 AM,
#31
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
ewww Darran!!

Sally: first day with the hook! LOL
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01-12-2012, 06:48 AM,
#32
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
lol.lol.lol.
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01-14-2012, 01:27 PM,
#33
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
It's a little political. Just a bit. Don't tell on me. It's also not a joke.
Well, if you don't like it, don't click the white arrow!


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01-14-2012, 01:50 PM,
#34
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
(01-14-2012, 01:27 PM)SallyLovesCheapTrick! Wrote: It's a little political. Just a bit. Don't tell on me. It's also not a joke.
Well, if you don't like it, don't click the white arrow!



Funniest damn thing I have watched in a long time. Thanks Sally! Big Grin
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01-15-2012, 07:43 AM,
#35
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
lol.lol.lol.lol.
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01-15-2012, 02:39 PM,
#36
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
I was at my brother's birthday dinner (Greek restaurant, yummy) and was inspired to tell the emu/cat joke, halfway through realized my 15yr nephew was there and that punch line is not so great. I asked my brother if it was ok he said sure, B has heard it all; they thought it was funny. Good thing my mom couldn't hear it anyway!!
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01-22-2012, 09:50 AM,
#37
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
A widowed lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally
deserted beach at Ft. Myers . She looked up and noticed that a man her age,
also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers
and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.

"How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.

"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered.

"Do you live around here?" She asked.

Yes, I live over in Cape Coral ", he answered, and again he resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"

With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man,
"How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"



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01-28-2012, 10:29 PM,
#38
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First he had to take an eye test. The clerk showed him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
"Can you read this? the clerk asked. "Read it," he said, "I know the guy."
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01-30-2012, 08:20 PM,
#39
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES


Bear Remover...

A man in rural Oregon wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof...So he looks in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there's an ad for "Up North Bear Removers."

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes..The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van...

He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean old pit bull...

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks...

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there, and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat...When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles, and not let go... The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner...

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner...

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
How the hell you supposed to sign a screen
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01-30-2012, 09:00 PM, (This post was last modified: 01-31-2012, 06:21 AM by Schlichtl.)
#40
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
sorry jill...
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01-31-2012, 07:14 AM,
#41
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
it's gotta be done tho...
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02-03-2012, 08:15 AM,
#42
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
Shoot the dog - too funny WOTB!
LOL Sally!
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02-03-2012, 02:22 PM,
#43
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES




Don't google the words "talking dog jokes" unless you want a lot of really dumb (but hysterical) talking dogs!!
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02-03-2012, 08:55 PM,
#44
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
I think it's funny that the video is called "man speak with HER dog"
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02-05-2012, 08:33 AM,
#45
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket..
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well, he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired a consulting firm to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.' As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's zipper.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our willie, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%..

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'



'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.' Big Grin
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